I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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