The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
