If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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