Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
