I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
