What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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