I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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