Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
