So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
