i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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