I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize