i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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