just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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