Im at strip club and am horny
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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