We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
