you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
