I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
