Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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