your parents love me but you hate me
The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
