not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
