Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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