I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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