Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
