ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
