please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
tell me about the eggs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
