I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
