Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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