i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
