dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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