shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
