Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
