Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
