I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
