I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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