It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
