She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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