piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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