If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How does it feel to date your dad?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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