booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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