I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
