i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
