My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
