hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
