Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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