After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
