id be glad to
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I would fuck him just for his dog
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