in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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