I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
