im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
