So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
