It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
