I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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