nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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