we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
