how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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