There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love having hate sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
