Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
