Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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