Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
