I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am available for nakedness
FUCK WHALES
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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