I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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