I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
