Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
