Christians are straight up FREAKS
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He passed out mid-signature
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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