I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
