Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
