Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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