And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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