Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
