I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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