What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
