Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
