Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
