: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
