also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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