i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
