My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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