Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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