I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize