i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
