Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
