my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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