your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
