You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize