I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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